Question:
Why do people stay in abusive relationships?

Kayla, age 14

Response:
There are many reasons why victims might decide to stay in an abusive situation. Lack of information, fear, limited resources and emotional strain are some of them. Some young people don't have the information they need to identify and understand what is happening to them. When an abusive relationship begins the person is not abusive all of the time. He or she can often be tender and kind. They become someone that you have begun to love and trust. The abuser manipulates their partners' feelings, creating confusion. Information about what abusive relationships are can help the person involved understand what is happening and begin to make healthy choices about their relationship.

Fear of what the abuser may do is also a main factor in making the choice to stay in an abusive situation. Abusive people often make threats about what they will do if you leave. They may threaten to harm you, someone you love, or even themselves if you leave. These threats create a lot of fear in the victim. It is important for anyone in an abusive relationship to take the threats of an abuser seriously. Make plans for your safety that include telling friends, family and law enforcement authorities about the threats. Remember, staying in an abusive relationship is never a safer option then leaving.

Often victims fear the response they will get from support people, and this influences their decision to seek help. They fear that family and friends will blame them for the situation or stop trusting their judgement. If you are a victim, it is important to share your concerns with people you trust, and people who also have the ability to help the situation.

Abuse impact's your life on every level-physical, mental and emotional. The strain created on your body and mind has far reaching effects. When your self-esteem and confidence are low, it is very difficult to make good decisions. Sometimes victims of abuse begin to feel like they are not deserving of a better relationship. Isolated from their friends and family, they begin to believe the abuser's account of the situation. This can create hopelessness and depression, which can impact the person's ability to get the help he or she needs.